For love or money?

For almost as long as the human race has existed, we have been plagued by a great question - can you have it all? In this case I mean, is it possible to do what you love and make money doing it? So far, my experience has been, no. But, somewhere, in the dark recesses of my mind (or is it soul) I believe that it must be possible. I just haven't figured out how.

I am an artist. I am an aspiring yoga instructor. I am also a tarot card reader....Looking at any of those occupations, you can surely tell that I am by no means rich. I am also a server. That, unfortunately, is how I make most of my money. Serving beer and wings does not make me feel as though I am having a positive impact on humanity. On the contrary, I feel like I am contributing to the decline of humanity. Melodramatic? Maybe a tad, but that is truly how I feel. My job is to get my "guests" (because we want people to feel welcome and comfortable as they are gorging themselves) as fat and drunk as possible while getting them to spend more money than they probably should be...especially in this economy. But, that's exactly what people seem to want to do. And I reap the "benefits".

I would love to leave my serving job. I would love to make yoga first and foremost my livelihood while still painting and reading in order to keep some variety in my life. However, I still cannot figure out how to get a job teaching yoga and the pay from painting and reading is inconsistent at best. So, I work 4 jobs and struggle to keep studying and practicing although I'm pretty exhausted.

I feel pretty confidant that I can make my dreams happen. It's just taking a lot longer than I would like. And it's taking a lot longer than I feel that it's supposed to. But I don't know any other way to do it. I could quit my serving gig - then I would have time but not enough money to pay the bills. So, instead, I work to pay my bills and try to have faith that everything will come together in due time.


Am I misguided? Am I fooling myself? Am I living a pipe dream that I can't possibly attain? Maybe. But it's the only way that I know how to be.


Namaste

Still at it!

So, another day. I started off with a short series this morning - to wake up and get energized. Of course, I didn't get up that early. Earlier than I usually do - 10am. Because I work late nights sometimes and have 4 jobs, I can't always wake up in the morning. That's one of my biggest challenges. I really wish that I could consistently start my day off early. I know that I can do it - I just have to be disciplined. But, I'm finding that to be a real challenge. 
Regardless, I did get up and start my day. Even more important, I made some calls. Man! Is that ever super scary! Basically, I made some cold calls to some local studios - I set myself a goal of 5. I called 5 studios to ask for work. I left 4 messages and spoke to one - she said that they were all set. She did indicate that they typically hire teachers from within their community. That makes perfect sense of course. In addition to the 4 messages, I emailed those studios. (One just called as I was typing - no openings either).
I also went on Craigs List and emailed a posting - fingers crossed. The post is already 2 weeks old, so who knows how good it is.
So far, the experience has been what I expected. No opportunities. But, I'm hoping that doing this will at least put my name out there and also make it a little easier to keep making these kinds of calls....
But, I feel like studios are going to want more experience and more polish than what I have. So, now what? How do I address that problem? I really believe that I just need the right opportunity at the right time. As long as I keep trying, the time will come when it will fit. I will keep making calls and sending emails. The next step is to try to tap some acquaintances. See if I can get a hand from Melissa, Sharon, Erica....keep trying, keep trying....
Om Shanti!! Namaste!!

What am I doing??

So, my great dream is to become a yoga teacher....not only that, but I want to LIVE yoga, BREATHE yoga, BE yoga....so what am I doing? Anything BUT yoga. I was supposed to take today to look for a job - call studios, research assisted living, try online postings....what did I do? Laundry, dishes, made the bed, checked my email, balanced my checkbook....and now its almost 8:00pm. I'm just really having a hard time getting it together and staying focused. I can't seem to really discipline myself. I feel like all of my dreams are getting farther and farther away....

So, I tell myself, "it's ok. I'm perfect exactly as I am right now. I can only do so much. Forgive myself and move on. There's always tomorrow." Thing is, I feel like I've been saying all that to myself for a long time. Now, I can't figure out if it's true or if it's all just excuses....

What kind of yogini am I if I can't even follow through with the thing that I want the most???